I dreamt I slept under your bed and listened.

--

I dreamt I my belly filled with precious stones. 
I dreamt I birthed the stones

me watching you roll in a milk bath, a mud bath saying what's it matter i will die, what's it matter, i will die

I come to listen not to lead

I feel asleep to try and connect to you in dream.  But you weren't there. Well, maybe somewhere over my head above me - though we both lie on our backs on the same plane.

Later dreams of lavish, ship wreck, salt sea stones, red water. 

You wrote a letter - should I keep the dog, should I leave it where it belongs.  Displaced pack animals -fated domestics.

invasive // learning to use fire

almost endless stairs
lead to a blade of a building where
the bells are set to ring
deafeningly.
to bleed their brains.
at the right hour
i am captured
a roped whore swinging
in the air
held up and onto freying hemp
tied to the weapon

what pieces of me
remember the city before?
fill my hands with cherries
and hide the bone powder bags
try and set fire 

to those who set fires

held by a string

dreamt they zap trapped me, draped me in parachute wings and sent me up in the air a tethered phoenix

body wires

An older dream, in iceland, in prehistoric, or maybe just nonhistoric times

The land was rougher than I thought.  Large mammals. Flying preditors. I seek refuge in a community I find in concrete baracade

I tell them too much too soon. They want to replace my veins with wires. They want to take my head.

a building in the sky above the clouds. Headless men in white.coveralls stagger through the winding balconies and down the halls.

They've been watching me for years. People with heads can see me and call to announce my presence.

Please show me to the perimeter. So I can jump off the edge and make my way down to the city.

They show me a room where they will torture me for arriving, they knew I'd come. I stand in the threshold, shaking my head, then step back and dart through the wall to right. But I don't go any farther.  A no headed dog, who is only solo cups and bones walks up the stairs.  I lay hands on her fur and fill her out.  Make her healthy again, give her a head.  Two pups emerge and the people with heads take me back inside.  This time kinder.

They show me a one strap, cream shoulder sackbag containing my dreams written on a white pad with blue border and orange and white candles.

payment in pictures

I brought Azurite to powder. Old Egyptian stone-eyed cats behind the glass. breathed in blue bliss

we had a conflict of energy interest; I wouldn't open my fist to show my stone.  It was not meant to be provocative.

I wrapped everything in plastic so it couldn't be felt and it couldn't be seen. For protection. And flew up far knowing they were of the earth and headed down.

At the highest of highs where the angels raise- she asked me, do you know how far you've flown? Unraveling my stones she disapproved. Dont you know plastic kills humans? This is why we use black velvet.

Whoisthehe@mobile.net
Whatistheu@mobile.net

We accept payment in pictures

brick wall basement
rain water
roof caves in

she holds more than she uses herself

running with little lead balls in the arches of my foot. tucked in my shoes.
i follow and i lead
and i jump when i'm supposed to.

---

we are looking for the right red rubies

fly high enough to clear the wire

roll around in paint, pour
it's all the things I want
don't worry
you don't owe me 

anything more

your reactions 

more than me
I don't react at all
just making space
keeping things clear

I'll keep visiting you here

I can't tell you in a dream
that I don't dream of you

a piano

so blood red it let the devil in

shared witness 

shared blessing

i focused intent until it melted

i can ignore the pulling and the bumping

i can stay until every piece is gone

wading

up to your eyes in water
you told me we were running. 

if I hold on too tight, it will stop.
if I let go, it will stop. 
If I keep running, all that can will 

Red - red
Green - red
Yellow - yellow

summer snow

barefoot in snow storm
scrubbing off the shoes
all power is out

I want to live somewhere with small old buildings
New York has plenty of small old buildings

an old teacher gets de ja vu
when I say I want to find a way
to live both places at once
--
you love your new lover
she's quiet and pious
brown haired, and not too much
i stand close to you
while you tell a stranger everything
on the phone
you don't acknowledge me.
I ask when you'll move to
you ask when I'll move to 

probably soon.

music in the basement

sounds i can make
despite the state of my body
despite what you think of me.

it's my set up she's stealing

night time in your home, which is more like a compound

i stay in a glass walled room
a few doors down
dark figures from your past come to haunt me
but i deflect.
i'd say you name out loud
but i don't want to be revealing.

i raise you a more deadly weapon
i am ashamed of those i bare
still ghost threats are not empty

nature is hungry//surviving the eruption

walking over lava lands / the ground heating from within / no one moves fast enough.

i try and help them to fly / pass hands through glass / breathe in the sea

still, what is too hot burns me
i am legs over head and no panties, oo wee

the only one left / they did it for aid / how clever to make me old / so her beauty can stay

fall

i am the weight that makes the porch fall in.

crossed names of the crazy mans list, so he couldn't read them.

Island rock arch

I pass through rock arch
The foot at which all die
and bodies pile, river tongues lapping
At skin, pulls at clothes

I pass through rock arch
And the river is full of petals fallen and
Flowers floating away

transient leisure

(they sold the old home) luck told me you weren't completely honest about wanting to make sounds. i rustle through papers to find the dye. i find a letter of love from you i missed.

furniture from my family i gave you

your voice over head, your body not with me.

oil rig down

dreamt enemies turned alien then more than friends

tryna get a nut

I have the calmest squirrel you can imagine. other squirrels approach confused when we sit outside together. They want a nut too. Claw at my closed hand to get some. I throw food out to get them away, but it only encourages their persistence.  My grandmother sits next to me and the squirrel wraps fat and calm around my neck
..
I resent them because they don't understand me.
If I heal connections with people from my past, will things feel more okay? 
In a closet attic underground I find things from my youth that excited me. A set of drawers, containers with characters looking back. Dresses I started taking apart.

I'll be right up.
I want to rise, but am uncertain what to take with me.

wolf pack closing in

the wolf pack is coming for us.  one at a time, the first approachers sweet, curious, sniffing me then the cat, me then the cat.  i hoot and holler abruptly, loudly when they get too close - the only thing to stave them off is my voice, and they keep coming.

that cranky old gym building again

i am back at that cranky old, multipurpose school/gym building in the scrappy neighborhood again.
this time it's manifested itself as a haunted old building held up by religious zealots.  good luck leaving.

i taught the baby what twins are by showing them a pair of old friends.  we came in as family, they left without me.

wood walled rooms

we are close, you are with me.

--

she isn't well.  knives and everything, anything. and i couldn't help and get help at the same time. and you couldn't help but want to leave, and it will only kill me to see you go.

traveling abroad with the band

false awakenings in a long hotel room broken in.
i wanna go out for sunrise beach strolls.

he tells her everything you don't tell me, so i decide to run to where i know you will be.  i fly up to the fluorescents lighting the table above where you eat and i mangle and tangle them.  i'm not trying to get away with it.

all four of us stand by the pool "you realize that was a crazy thing to do, we told you five minutes" yes, but he didn't tell me anything, he pretended not to hear when i asked.  and if he doesn't get it, i never got him, and he was never really here at all.

that old victorian mansion again

deprive my dreaded digital life and spend time playing charades with my ghost friends.  isn't funny how i can't tell the color?

And the sticky part of a shadow self and a shadow family played a melodrama mourn, homage to those who were being old while the others were being young. We never knew how hard it was going to be, or at least, we never anticipated it would be this revealing.



________________________________________________________________________



things have been hard, but we're driving sitting next to one another, so we're still together.  we turn a corner and on the horizon is the most amazing cresent mooon hanging hooked on to the tallest skyscraper at dusk.  the sky is orange and there are 4 full pink moons visible in the distance.  you gasp and grab my hand and for a moment we are united bodymindandspirit. you pull over so we can get a good pic.

i can't get my phone out of my pocket, but that's okay, the pictures are never in my phone when i wake up anyway (though i always very much wish they would be).  we leave as quickly as we came and drive into parking garage to meet your friends, i am looking at the fading scene through the pillars of cement, finally capturing the last moments when things become a bit more blueish gray.. and an airplane flys too too low over head, and people are yelling and the plane is dropping nitrous on the crowd below, and i capture it, perfectly above the moon, hooked to the skyscraper, with the four full moons behind, i get the perfect picture.  so they'll know what happened. and i run back to my truck, which you're driving, but you leave too soon, so i can't reach. and you have to go on without me.

blurry

i connect a line between me and my original.  i am taking candy from their baskets, i tell him.  we're doing halloween in here.

my present, you can use it, but you can't ruin it.  everything is falling apart, even the lenses from my glasses fall.  i give up to give in and now carry only what i can hold - a book in one hand, a clear brick of honeycomb in the other.  underwater, the honeycomb expands and sprouts beautiful sea grass from each of its pores.  the book falls apart, but if i'm gentle it may last a little bit longer...

350 horses, i'll take you to see them

i conjured the old new jersey col-de-sac and said, give me one of those twins down the street - now make him 30.  I brought him under an arc at the base of the school.  i build the snow banks high so they wouldn't see, i built a brick wall so no one could see (one way, so i could).
Still they could see, so I added another layer of bricks.  No one is supposed to be outside, but people are still all around and I can't control them. We are discovered, sorry charlie, and I take off - leaving him to explain.  She who finds him says "have you seen this person, if i find her, i will kill her"

The barn is on fire and the hoses cant keep up.  I throw white powder and it snap, crackle, stops.  I tell them, I put out the fire with this white powder, you may want to clean the stalls before you put the horses back.  "What are you magic?"  redneck compliments "A fairy throwing pixie dust like that I'm sure the men are pleased" and the woman still wants to kill me.

she makes the mountains that move you

i came early and stayed late, so i could spend as much time as possible with you.  But you were around and about and no where to be seen. and when you left i looked down from a cloud and saw you with her arm linked in yours.  agility training.  a butt kicking bootcamp.  she builds digital mountains about love and they look just like mine.  I want to cry in the car, did you hear, she makes mountains with computers - how could this happen? i weep into the whispywhisp baby hair on top my nephew's head.

fuck that, imma fly

i'm on stage with modern dancers and singers and we are performing a meditative tune to a dark auditorium.  the next performer takes the mic and i flirt with participating, staying mostly in the wing stage-right.  --it's in between songs and everyone on stage seems to be holding a pipe or a bag of weed.  This dream is boring...on to another


I come to visit you because I know you'll be waiting for me.  You're outside with your coffee.  A white car approaches down the long wooded drive.  They shoot at us and I deflect the bullets back.  "What was that about?"  I ask.  "They must have it in for me" you say, shrugging.  The gun men return and i deflect their bullets again pull the trigger myself a few times with my mind just to scare them-- "you heard those extra gunshots? the ones that made them squeal?  I did that,"  I tell you.-- When they head off I start researching deflection spells to use on guns or bullets, just wanna know what my options are.  The chair next to you swivels around and a women is sitting in it.  "who is this?" I ask like she's not there "Oh, this is arielle, she's my girlfriend, totally saved my life this morning"  and instagram confirms.  So i get up and leave.  An annoyed, "i was just kidding" catches up to me, but i'm already jumping up to fly away.

 Once I make it through the arms of the trees i am greeted by the most beautiful river scene.  the summer-ish storm clouds are lush and i lay on my belly to look down at the roots growing in and through and around the water.  It feels how I used to dream about the east river, with the city on the other side, but this time, the other side is a dark, natural landscaped blurr.  I feel at ease.  I feel comfortable with myself.  I dip down in a city town that feels like greenpoint, bk but is really somewhere out in the country that is really somewhere here in atlanta.  I think for a second I'll come back to see how you are, but decide you've who you want to protect you now and it's not me.  So i try and fly again, get tangled in the powerlines. fear of my phone dying in waking life takes me out.