you put death in me and i despise every inch of me that still loves you. not because i love, but because you are incapable of loving me and the reality of you in my skin, in each of my cells is like an itchy fucking bug clawing me to death from the inside out.  i wish i never met you.  you are a soul sucking hell.

childhood heros

They filled parts of the pool with concrete to lessen the water bill.  I sat at a table across from you.  You refused to play with the kids, you didn't want your hair.  You refused to humor me with more than a small handful of words at a time.  I congratulated your recent marriage and all you could conjure was a forced Thank you and a pair of dashing, darting eyes.  Once they narrowed on your escape you left.

I could feel hurt, and I do.
and I feel bad because I asked you to care, and that is the hardest thing to do.  But now, through similar experiences and reconciliation with the like, I have realized that empathy and compassion are great gifts.

And You are cold indifference.  The worst kind of evil.