Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Big hoise piano atrium

some one made a short film of us
watched it once on my internet browser,
Then wouldn't reload with the backbar.
Meanwhile the entire swim team pours in
Garcia makes a move on me and i am attracted but rigid with his arm around me
Left over vintage whiskey, nice cheeses and gold chockers
Playing the on the piano stairs in the atrium during projection show
I am taken to a mangy postbox, in an off beat field/squat.  I spit the pill out of my mouth.  I dont touch anything
My mother sent me an envelope of reminders, had to be resorted.  Visions of women.  Fed up with men and a wanting to be gay.  I am brought back to a bar where i was blonde and losing sanity.  Stole a stool and caught by and old man.  I wake up crying and having the same fit on this side

Sunday, February 12, 2017

in the car, it's a carpool we are riding a woman is building a very fancy house and asking why i broke up with t, it was your idea was it? yes i didnt want to be with him, his emotions were too violent.  her marble entry way was epic, i asked for a tour and she said no.  okay i'll wait for the unveiling, meanwhile kept in her garage with cheese pizza and trash on the ground.




evacuation we are blading babes roller blading up the 85 zooming past the evacuating crowds, all on foot.  an exodus, nuclear war threats fueled evacuation.  my roller blades are really just rocks i roll and sometimes shuffle my feet like iceskating on hard wood floors with socks on.  a friend of mine zooms past and we are all babes on blades.  following the highways still.  we divert now from the highway to follow these temporary roads and water way holdings.  they veer off eastward into bamboo woods, turn quick turns like mountain switch backs.  the powerful want us to led to safety. but not it stops suddenly at a water holding tank like they ran out of time, or gave up, or were unorganized and abused their power and resources, it all happened too fast, faster than they could have planned and i felt betrayed, but knowing and ready to waste no time and respond.  We will head back to the highway.  we had been running now for miles.  I said i never have worked out this much in my whole waking life combined, okay that's a lie, i just dont' run like this.  the girl next to me is a runner.  we are close-ish to the 285 now, we've been running for dozen or so miles.  It's easy to see the way to the highway, I follow the large gravel path,  much more practical than the elaborate evacuation foot paths, but made for the trucks that built them.  you could hear the highway in the distance, or maybe more so feel the void it makes in the space between the trees.  on the way there are working supporters wearing blue wetting and raking gravel like nothing was happening and the whole city maybe world had gone to shit.  i knew they were brainwashed and dangerous so i said "thank you for your hard work!" in a genuine tone and jog on past them.  we get to the highway.  I weep because it is completely empty, save a few walking clusters and cars racing quickly down and crash flipping themselves suicide. the evacuation routes were such a scam, the highways needent be jammed but not empty either i thought of the clogged people headed towards deadends, maybe right in harms way and more systematic betrayal.  we are walking along the exit. a group of 5-7.  i say,  i know it's a dream, but this 85 looks nothing like the real one, also we should exit before the 285/85 exchange because it's probably a death trap.  We are walking down buford highway and stop in a restaurant that seems to be running more or less normally, we open the back door to use the restroom and a man hangs next to his broom in the back.  I go into a dark lit room and grab a big bag of chips to eat i  am starving a dehydrated.  i walk past and realize a man is a the counter behind his register and I am caring a big back of chips, won't get away with it, so i walk up to him and hand him the bag, reach for my wallet, he says 2..thousand seven hundred dollars.  and i just give him a confused squint ugh grimmace look, put the wallet back i my pocket like "i see the hardest of times has brought out your most essential human traits.  hope you're happy with yourself"  give him the hangloose sign and grab my crotch and walk out the door.  my friends are going down an escalator, they won't even waiting for me.  one of the girls is eating peanut butter crackers and i say "how much were those?" ---"$500" I am left wondering if she paid with cash or a credit card and if i should have just charged it, and if the wifi is still a thing or if dial up could be used. and meanwhile a space ship flies slow and low over head like they are moving their war machine, so satellites still work obviously but nothing was ever in our control to begin with. I begin thinking where I'm even trying to go - north to my parents house? they're probably at the lake.  what will i eat when i get there.  i can make a plant grow, but i can't propagate seeds.  this is nuclear war, the soil will be bad anyway.  survival hoarding was starting to look pretty smart.
at the 285 exchange we enter this large made town recreation center i slam a door people are walking in and out of movie picture shows like nothing is happening really i wonder how much they are paying we stop at an closed bar counter and talk about our next move.  a girl says there is an escort service here she recommends we offer ourself up saying they'd take this skinny lanky women we are with in a heart beat.  explains they would feed us and sell us, we would be in it for life, but at least we would have a life and it would be filled with the same comforts as our old lives except we would have to dance and fuck
i didn't feel like being trapped in sexual slavery, or maybe still had hope there was some place for me to go

the elevator got off at the rainbow corridor which was an over pass staircase that descended to the other side of the highway. it went down and down and down we were sliding down the banister to the other end and finally the glitter color show stopped in an abrupt black and i stopped too like needle of the record.. a sense of dread loomed at the bottom and i couldn't wouldnt look, just turned around and starting ringing back up.  shoving the people in descent frantically out of my way, couldn't even yell a warning to anything whatever it was because i truely saw nothing, we arrive back at the elevator, it opens we shove ourselves in and a few other people at this point are changing our minds we hit the close close close the door button, then M for main floor the * ground level...the silent bewildered elevator ride down ? should it be up? i don't want to go underground, but i trust the star.  doors open the same black. we stare at it long enough, could have been 3 full seconds then same frantic door closing. i imagine the girls deadlimp bodies. don't know what floor to go to. prepared to hop fences.