i collected seashells by the shore. they were teal and salmon and mustard yellow.
a fat woman stepped on my them. they were in a pile on a ledge near the shore. I found a better one. it had ashtray potential.
the water was a louder clapping silver here. the tide pulled me in.



which makes me remember...

being on the beach in france, if france was a truman show type carnival. instead of sand there were glass beads. i thought of all the money i would make selling jewelry made from things i got for free.

i was with someone and we were sexing near the water. the beads made that weird squeaking, gritty sound they make when wet and rubbed together.

and kyle said "sometimes you just gotta wet it first then add a lil' suddz as need be."

too many to count. too many to remember.

home videos at warehouse lobby. me chewing gum, me with toothpaste smeared everywhere, me covered in paint, body blocked by a chunk of beige painted foamcore. Me lying with my grandmother's pig, my grandmother's fire-dragons chewing at my face. I wore red and orange.

I dreamt a butterly came to my window to say that i would die today.

I dreamed of hydroplaningin mud. Mytical lands where you pay in wild flower leaves.Purple lily plants resembled unicorns and got excitd when you pour glitter over their heds.

My next door neughbors, we hung out in a dream. They stole things out of my refrigerator and drank on the fire escape.

ready to go

dreamt of shopping with my sister. mary kate gave me a great pair of shorts. Told someone they looked 'so cute in that' as a joke, but never laughed. Found a hip pair of sandals and realized I had everything I needed to leave. stood outside to hitchhike - held a neon sign that read "hot dude? pick me up."

Why are you trying to get back in my life?

i dreamt of a manhattan apartment too large with ceilings too high. I dreamt my sister lived with me and family friends rang my front door bell to bring house warming gifts.

I dreamt Olive was Max and ran away to a house where feral cats congregate. When the house was invaded she was the only one who ran.
Simultaneously I was stuck in a place with the only woman I've ever hated in a large open field. I said nothing to her.

dreams of ghosts haunting the house of a family friend. falling in love with the son and purging the walls of lost spirits (a baby, a child, an elderly man) -- starting with the baby



dreams of david letting me down. deflated, leaking water balloons. sudden changes of plan. one sided struggles and ultimate abandonment. lost in the train station, frustrated and angry by the likes of you. avoiding him like the plague.


horror house set-ups with close friends. deranged innocents wearing skins of other innocents. exposed guts. backstage/inner workings of this machine.


walking to charleston--chewing gum.