knives thrown  (virtual reality)
in a saloon. pulling blade tips out of the back sides and front of my head

dc is frozen over
and neglected
maternal stress dream
still yelling
I pick a better room across the hall

tax returns
taken to the paddocks
trapped in the trailer
cornered equine



----
Past:

infiltrated the underground
stone blasters
resisters of the resistance

false descriptions and fake speeches
surveilled then escaped
wisconson back roads and countryscape
clothes swap to maintain
incogneto
passages without the underway
her support of the fight
of those who support the fight

i take in a stray
cats half ripped down to their skin then healed over hairless
(he only shows the scarless sides)
we were running from faster felines
car doors don't close
and i'm all over you again
the bottoms of my feet exposed
to the alley of dogs
where you sympathize with a stray girl
who sleeps in a cage at its entrance
to protect them

the locals there are lied to and still calculate travel by foot time
the city is days away

(((i feel like my brain is caving in on itself and none of my thoughts are fertilized enough to grow. barron lands. empty, still. i try and feel for a broken place but it's all just anemia anemia.  woke up with a hard not for her))

We were looking to buy sheer curtains

she stood behind you clear as day when you spoke
despite your denial
and insist my acknowledging her presence would make you
invent an importance for her that didn't already exist
i'd be better off talking you into taking your own life.
you come to me with the weight of her.
still and try and touch me
what gave me the idea a touch means something more


i pick up crystals on the shore line while you're on the other end
one clear
one clear and pink with black at its worn edges
one black at its worn edges
right now the rarest crystal formation is underway
dancers take their place and rub together
it's a dangerous reaction, but you were too lost in the mirrors get away from the shore
i called to you to move
but the crystal formed with you stuck in the middle
you gave me the memory to record like a string of beads
that enter through my palms and bind to the nerves in my backbone
they pulled your skin from your head and replaced it with clear white rocks
all day now you fight maddness. pink foam square blocks and obstacle courses
the authority of the ice usually use this as a form of torture
it's written on my own head, the reason why i can't let you out
if you put yourself there it was destiny, not error
i asked if we could make a deal, maybe
it's been 100 years since we have even tried this sort of magic

last night my car burned and flipped onto its side in front of your house

today it was two bottle of wines, emergency port, and my ancestors on a heart grab nation raid. i breath in steam to calm prepare

last night my car burned and flipped onto its side in front of your house

today it was two bottle of wines, emergency port, and my ancestors on a heart grab nation raid. i breath in steam to calm prepare

i couldn't get my car to brake and tried to rein it in a like a horse
I pulled her over in a peach grove

aphids in the yard, aphids in the pool
they get as big as chickens, but my sister claims they don't age
Aphids stick like slugs to my feet and my butt and swim into my mouth

there are two dolphins in the pool too
who were rescued from being poisoned in captivity.
they fuck compulsively

the ocean spits out bass,
large black fish with yellow spots
large birds bring them up into the air and then hang them from trees to more easily feed on their insides
the coyotes carry them off in biped packs
advertisements for whipped-cream hover above it all in the air on drones
no one else seems to be annoyed by the aphids

i am in a canoe with my family
we see an albino bass
and a runt
back off to sea

i have one hand down my throat and am filming the coral with the other
my vocal chords have been pierced and a chain runs through the hole

i am Lorina of a made up mythology,
a fish caught in ancient times
my ancient cries
(or a contemporary affliction,
in the guise
of truth tradition)

i am supposed to learn to shut up
or else be left alone
(or i am supposed to leave everything i thought i could have and know?)

hit in the face with a feather -- a blade of grass stuck to my skin across my forehead.
i sent you a video of me with a hair caught in my eye
a crow i called to landed to stand on my hand.
a bear who was tamed and friends with dogs hugged me, licked my face and i was not afraid.
like meeting an old friend.
children looked at me to follow and nature gave me the sensitivity of all its undomesticated animals.

an earthquake came and underwater was hot with lava. i sought refuge in the clouds. built your head out of mache and your arms out of burlap felt and straw

maternal stress dreams
and secret places in mississippi
our place, you never told us
all the avocados are over ripe
and i am crying so hard i can't breath
it's the farewell times
and you're still in denial
you tell me i am in-acting a roll i've assigned myself
resentments aren't rooted in any reality

still you tell me my business is out of code,
i shouldn't make new life and
i will never deserve to be loved.

we are at party that spans blocks in a city
we break away, flirting
enter a door, one that is not part of the festivities, but otherwise not blocked
it is a fancy bulding with colorful marble everywhere.  the security misses us as we pass through
we decend stairs. each landing as beautiful in color palette as the one previous
we enter a door and there are people in there. cleaning crew.  they say it's alright you should enter
we are welcomed and they  mention my lazy eye
they are warm and inviting. one of the women says she can fix my eye.  she is surrounded by fashion illustrations.
there are children there now
we are entertaining the children and otherwise losing track of ourselves.
we are taken back into the back ally - it seems we have found an alternative block party

taken into their world -- separated. take our bags.  then paraded to be assessed. let free.  they try and turn us against each other.  set us free, but say we will be watching

i am assistant teaching a class and one of the kids is the student and the teacher reprimands me for being prejudice.  i say you have to ahve expereienced this every year. and then the take over happens.
and i am left, and eric is taken and they get a flock of blackbirds to send word. which i smash out of the sky. with the exception of one tucan

and one black bird who gets away
and i bring eric back and rachel
and david byrne applauds the performance
the toucan baths in a river down stream

"a small gift" a lladro,  a thank you to our mistress for the performance.  it is a with a sleigh, inside a fallen bambi, legs sticking straight up and out. you find a place in the back of a cupboard to display it.

i am peter pan.  david and eric in the other room, they are going to check out some of his new paintings, a gaugin. you are delighted to see. they invite the mistress. isn't danielle a painter? he asks and you say no and leave me behind to eat bread with a kid (who is not evil.)

i am in a car headed to a movie - the driver is evil - i catch a girl on the street looking long and hard at his face with a look of horror and concern.  when i look up in the rearview he is adjusting his nose. these girls who are my friend try and make me go to the other movie but i stick with the original plan.
i sit next to a guy who kisses my cheek and feeds me popcorn
are you gonna watch the movie or what?
al called and she needs help with the topcoat
her breath sounded like nothing i've ever heard before

on the bow of a ship i lay on my back
a blue book
a box of craypas
a sketch book and a speaker
it is the edge of the break of day and the hills are speckled with lights
we edge towards red rocks
a man, local as he is ancient
hunts in a puddle
for a fish
with a spear

we enter the canyon the ocean water has carved. an in let of red stripes like fingers on each side.  it is magnificent.  mud drips on my body from the roof of a cavern. it is rich with shit of the ages. so red it's grey and i am covered from head to toe.

i sneak back in and am over looked by older men as i undress. mud still covers my skin, my face, my hair.  I am capturing everything on my phone, which allows me to see behind, farther than my eyes

women with their daughters, mothers teaching their trades.  tending to tailless cats and small small horses
i show my mom the way my mud mask has dried.  it peels off in chunks despite my best efforts to keep it on.  i want to show her my transformation.

his acting persona on the phone is a dramatic difference from the one he uses with me
a dial turning between roles

we were active behind her back
you say you like variety and a quick change of pace

phone calls you out
i am left behind in soot with puzzles
and not my nephews smoking
one hour at the most turns to seven
and a warrant
and a favor

underground away trapped
mind games and favors
ranking systems
and an ass worth money
drain the pool
exit up the elevator
pass a new horror every floor

first to the water where we sat
tiles clean and smooth
next to the sand
and tiles granular and gritty

now you know
everything I could ever want
you think
you read my phone
my receipts
my search history

i leave my tracker by the water where we sat
and continue disconnected

the families who co-mingled with the goats
bore children to be centaurs
so I named their houses accordingly
till highbred denial
poisoned my plate

guilty by association,
guilty by assist
guilty by action

earlier, i was looking for a moldable magnet
i made friends with other witches
one who had grown to care for the bees
beyond purchase and packaging

I was staying in Louis V stately estate
and attending lectures
she was in a space that was secret, but sterile
and not over the bridge to other people enough
her face was over-worn.

again, current, at the end.
I am queen and people over assist me
I am trying to hop a fence being pulled open
I am walking through glass when the gate a jar
They are trying to make me complacent
 and weaken my grip on matter

(I heard our songs coming out a window of the university and i flew
in cognito to a closer look)

Oppositional

finding my personal precipice
he offered to be my guide

at the airport
he takes a spoon of milk and I'm spitting up and dripping snot onto my upper lip

Plastic gelatin napkins
soaked wiped, a cold jelly clean.
And you look up my nose
and tell me the coast is clear.

I am up against myself inverted
There is no glitter on my wings (I hate glitter I insist)
I leave behind crumbs and dust
I bring no jokes, no sunshine
I am tears and gnashing and snotty from the milk
I will crush these grapes in the cracks of your clean couch.
I am an easy target,
Because I am dirty
When you say I'm dirty
But you never give them any context
And for that power play
You precipice is no safer than mine

He met the perfect mate
And almost lost it
Remembering the fragile million.

They could cover my wall in paper
I could leap off the edge of this stairwell
The later would scare everybody because they don't know I can fly

I wish the wedding was in Tokyo
A thread of red pulls out a pore in my neck
I wish I was headed to Tokyo
I sit up straight even though it makes me feel too big. 
I tell her I can dream straight but I can't seem to live straight.  Everything is to far apart.  It's more fun to fly
Her thread is matching red,
Then pulls a second white over her heart
I feel for mine,  but there's only a lump
What's that?
I don't say
The way I die.

a dream my brain turned blue
and revealed itself
in little splotches on my forehead

carved into red walls
dried from fire rock
i was on the wrong side of the world
at the wrong time
add to my list of current event anxiety dreams.
volume too low to hear words over
building sounds again in my head.
beeping and banging and beeping and banging.
and crumbling in stutters, re building then falling once again.

spectator in different seasons
of myself

flying up to a cabinet in the top corner
of the house you lived in
when you felt in necessary to prove
that you could fly
built to use, but impossible to get to

projects you won't finish
but still get away with
on a laptop borrowed
half devolped concepts
she will find later under a carpet on the side of the room
grass, green, jungles, and people who care for them
their legacies reduced to little stories
few and far between
not enough to fill the 5 pages
you won't get around to writing

you are refining your breaststroke
meanwhile always looking over
your unknowing
self
as they bet
and bite meat off dried fish
a relative offers one to you
knowing your name
but not the specifities of your relation

ascending and descending stairs
falling in love with the newly born you
-but keeping a safe distance
lest you get escorted out
for performing too much interest in
an unbeknowst party
of your past

they set fire to the trees and the buildings

so i brought him to the lot across the street. 

every time you crossed the property line you went up in flames. 

you shot him and i and he shot you. our names were taken off the gun

----

i am trying to be with you alone to see what we can do, but everyone everywhere is burning.  

i could walk to see the horses so i visited them everyday

under water creatures in cages, to be eaten

wet dogs being washed

i teleported to los angeles.

 two men stopped me in the road and complimented my eyes, but not in a threatening way.  one man had to go, the other was lore-lei, lore.lie. and he worried about the future.  so we found ourselves in a future island with the water receed and a storm on the way.

 no one to let you inside. no structure to hold the people -we held one another.

then i was taken and my blood veins rigged with wires so they could study me

i pushed pushed and short circuited until i could peel each clamp piece off my insides like cooked egg.  only a little residue remained

I am clay and meetings and ready to learn
She is all over the Internet. Telling me
Direct message
All you have done
I struggle to type shrugs

you kiss my back and I let go

you grab me.

when the crowd gets growing

you leave.  too busy. 

those that want to hide won't be found.

-----

2039, now i work at the studio center. (voice behind the sound)

------

We board the boat and your love is behind. 

-------

the lure

the taking

knowing now the past

obvious
unveiling

dreams of trees in water
sturdy tokens, i carry
study tokens i carry
know em when i see em
absent eyes
echo

dreamt a baby elephant laid in my lap.  and a crocodile would come for it's tail. and a panther for the croc