Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
lame lame lame
i met danielle brutto, she was a young painter. her paintings were lame. it was still cool to meet her.
i regulared a bar where my dream state static stood out. i ate heaps of fries and cheese grits. My sloppy, sloppy state quickly warmed the hearts of the owners, who gave me drugs. I hoped they would still be in my pocket when i woke up. I always wish this. I did them in the bathroom and made time speed along to the rhythm of my heart beat. by the time i came out everyone was gone.
i lay in bed and look out the window at the skyline of new york. the beep beep honks are lullabies. I feel emptiness and longing and all that because it's not real. I consider installing some sort of streaming video in my window at home...
i yell at you for getting with my friends. leave my friends alone! i say --- well next time, just leave my friends alone, okay?
We all get massages and Target adds a second floor/embraces the industrial look. They also put their conditioner in those gasstation fridges with the slidey doors. Everything is run off of ipads. you can even make the escalator go faster...with your ipad.
i regulared a bar where my dream state static stood out. i ate heaps of fries and cheese grits. My sloppy, sloppy state quickly warmed the hearts of the owners, who gave me drugs. I hoped they would still be in my pocket when i woke up. I always wish this. I did them in the bathroom and made time speed along to the rhythm of my heart beat. by the time i came out everyone was gone.
i lay in bed and look out the window at the skyline of new york. the beep beep honks are lullabies. I feel emptiness and longing and all that because it's not real. I consider installing some sort of streaming video in my window at home...
i yell at you for getting with my friends. leave my friends alone! i say --- well next time, just leave my friends alone, okay?
We all get massages and Target adds a second floor/embraces the industrial look. They also put their conditioner in those gasstation fridges with the slidey doors. Everything is run off of ipads. you can even make the escalator go faster...with your ipad.
Monday, December 5, 2011
hello grandma, come visit me more often
i dreamt you were at the table, your young self across from your dying-state self, me in between.
Your absence came up in their conversation. To which I said, but can't you see she is right here! You looked at me knowingly. You reminded me that I believe. You reminded me find faith.
What is wrong is they don't already know.
Your absence came up in their conversation. To which I said, but can't you see she is right here! You looked at me knowingly. You reminded me that I believe. You reminded me find faith.
What is wrong is they don't already know.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
everything is red
kids take off their sneakers, lie on their backs and shoot heroin into the bottoms of their feet
i made sand paintings on the floor of the school's office. it comforted me because your mom was working and i could hear her voice in the background. she would come in and check on me. An outgoing kid came in and asked why i didn't take painting 4, the theme was sound of music. I asked "is it fair to say i didn't know it existed?" I find, instead of painting, I choose to do the most tedious things possible. blessmyheart
we are hanging out with David's friends, but you are you. A blonde comes in and she is josie. You want to put your arm around her but I am in the way. I am mad I am limiting you, but glad we are hip to hip. There is a picture of you and her. she is blonde and you don't like blondes, but you like her. She has a cute face and doesn't remind you of me or anyone else you've been with. She is new
our love hangs like cats legs being held by the underarms.
everyone leaves. you are behind the bar. you have you head down and you hear my sister and you say goodbye michelle, goodbye danielle. I say, oh sorry, I am still here. You say " no that's fine. that's just fine. don't worry it's okay. if you want to stay you can. I wasn't going to see anyone. If you love me, then you can stay if you want." I ask "well do you love me?" you "didn't i just say that?" "no." "i will never love anyone else. Ever. Not after last night. You see...I was with this girl and... she did things to me....I will never forget." You are scared and frantic...I wake up.
i made sand paintings on the floor of the school's office. it comforted me because your mom was working and i could hear her voice in the background. she would come in and check on me. An outgoing kid came in and asked why i didn't take painting 4, the theme was sound of music. I asked "is it fair to say i didn't know it existed?" I find, instead of painting, I choose to do the most tedious things possible. blessmyheart
we are hanging out with David's friends, but you are you. A blonde comes in and she is josie. You want to put your arm around her but I am in the way. I am mad I am limiting you, but glad we are hip to hip. There is a picture of you and her. she is blonde and you don't like blondes, but you like her. She has a cute face and doesn't remind you of me or anyone else you've been with. She is new
our love hangs like cats legs being held by the underarms.
everyone leaves. you are behind the bar. you have you head down and you hear my sister and you say goodbye michelle, goodbye danielle. I say, oh sorry, I am still here. You say " no that's fine. that's just fine. don't worry it's okay. if you want to stay you can. I wasn't going to see anyone. If you love me, then you can stay if you want." I ask "well do you love me?" you "didn't i just say that?" "no." "i will never love anyone else. Ever. Not after last night. You see...I was with this girl and... she did things to me....I will never forget." You are scared and frantic...I wake up.
history repeating itself
i dreamt you got coked up and back with your ex-girlfriend.
no one was on my side.
not that i expected you would be...
i faked a job at the fruit bin. Bandits came to get your new/old lady. She was born bad. I bless us with the usual defense, and send their bullets back. They absorb through them.-.Wow. This is bad. I give a loud native cry, hand to the mouth, o' face and all, to call back up. The bandits think 'oh shit' and surrender. I let the natives send their arrows anyway, just to prove i mean business. I thank the tribe with a breathing ritual.
You watch my face fill with air, you walk away with her.
no one was on my side.
not that i expected you would be...
i faked a job at the fruit bin. Bandits came to get your new/old lady. She was born bad. I bless us with the usual defense, and send their bullets back. They absorb through them.-.Wow. This is bad. I give a loud native cry, hand to the mouth, o' face and all, to call back up. The bandits think 'oh shit' and surrender. I let the natives send their arrows anyway, just to prove i mean business. I thank the tribe with a breathing ritual.
You watch my face fill with air, you walk away with her.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
become invisible///thawing
i dreamt i made my blood stop churning so i could disappear for you.
I dreamt i could be still and you wouldn't have to see me, so that i could follow close behind.
I dressed myself in all white, went to your old haunts - stood faceless in the bathroom mirror.
I climbed up to the top of a tree to get closer to you. a branch stuck deep through my skin above my heart. there was no blood - the ripped skin hung like frozen meat. i felt the lack of living.
a woman noticed and called me down, touched my arm tender, and warned me of walking dead.
so, i walked on the sidewalk by your home, no longer wanting to hide. someone recognized me and insisted i stay. they held me by the arms, picked at my skin and my blood ran warm again. my skin weeped red streams down my arms. blood trickled out the hole over my heart. i knew i was more alive and to keep living. they took me in and called you up.
(i can't pretend to not care, i can't pretend to not see)
(i didn't inflict the wounds, but i did delay the bleeding.)
(love made my blood run cold)
I dreamt i could be still and you wouldn't have to see me, so that i could follow close behind.
I dressed myself in all white, went to your old haunts - stood faceless in the bathroom mirror.
I climbed up to the top of a tree to get closer to you. a branch stuck deep through my skin above my heart. there was no blood - the ripped skin hung like frozen meat. i felt the lack of living.
a woman noticed and called me down, touched my arm tender, and warned me of walking dead.
so, i walked on the sidewalk by your home, no longer wanting to hide. someone recognized me and insisted i stay. they held me by the arms, picked at my skin and my blood ran warm again. my skin weeped red streams down my arms. blood trickled out the hole over my heart. i knew i was more alive and to keep living. they took me in and called you up.
(i can't pretend to not care, i can't pretend to not see)
(i didn't inflict the wounds, but i did delay the bleeding.)
(love made my blood run cold)
Friday, February 18, 2011
a million little dreams in 30 min
these are dreams i had during my 30 minute MWT test. i was supposed to keep my eyes open in a dark room and stare at an X on the wall -- It's a secret test...they say to stay awake, but really they want you to fall asleep. As always I like to tell myself that I don't actually have narcolepsy. but i do...really badly
*I'm in a house with this woman and her kids (dark wood plank walls). I know i'm dreaming so i try to find something cool to do. I go outside and think...maybe i'll ride around on a motorcycle. The little boy follows me out. I tell him to go back inside. this is my dream, i'm not responsible for him. the last thing i need is him running out into the road and getting squashed or turning into some sort of demon. he sits on the motorcycle in the garage. .. i just keep walking outside.
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall (says the lady over an intercom-----
*I still think maybe i won't fall asleep. then the side of the room opens up like a garage door. oh...
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* my childhood home is in a movie!
----open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* my family and i are standing on the steps of my childhood home. We are coming back to get this ceramic bunny of ours that is apparently in the yard. He says they probably dont want it and we couldn't risk them throwing her away!
"Could you imagine loosing *insert name here*?"
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* elizabeth fries said her parents didn't do anything for valentines day and they hadn't for five years. i said...oh that's horrible... i thought they were super in love. She said "well you know, they've been married 20 years. i guess 20 years of marriage...ya know..." i thought, no i dont know. my parents have been married longer and they still love each other...
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*nate noogied me in the arm saying i didnt need to get treatment to make my B12 immunization safe. then he made it all come out like a pimple. and i pointed to it and said, guess i dont have to worry one way or the other now
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*yan koga from grade school or maybe someone else brought mint chocolate chip icecream cone. i couldn't eat it. SHHH i'm in a test! i said. he pretended to lick it
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*i stood in front of a class at a podium. i said i was inspired by package design. that my sister is getting married so i've been looking at it a lot lately
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*there was a crate of everyone's inspiration images. one envelope someone wrote "images everyone already knows look bad" i thought "i hope that's not mine!"
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*my name is frijola *HAHAHA* and i am a famous columbian artist but i am so young! I'm trying to have a normal lunch with friends and people keep coming up to me. wanting to shake my hand...not wanting to shake the hand of the other accomplished people around me. I am embarassed! then this woman is holding my hand and stroking it...saying what an inspiration i am to her...saying she makes music and my work inspires all her music. i said "i'm glad...i mean i'm flattered...i mean it's good you make music, and honored to i have an impact on you.." then everyone starts trying to hand me checks. one was for 97 dollars "For dinner later! you and me!"
These are only the ones i remember. ..but, as always, there were more.
*I'm in a house with this woman and her kids (dark wood plank walls). I know i'm dreaming so i try to find something cool to do. I go outside and think...maybe i'll ride around on a motorcycle. The little boy follows me out. I tell him to go back inside. this is my dream, i'm not responsible for him. the last thing i need is him running out into the road and getting squashed or turning into some sort of demon. he sits on the motorcycle in the garage. .. i just keep walking outside.
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall (says the lady over an intercom-----
*I still think maybe i won't fall asleep. then the side of the room opens up like a garage door. oh...
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* my childhood home is in a movie!
----open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* my family and i are standing on the steps of my childhood home. We are coming back to get this ceramic bunny of ours that is apparently in the yard. He says they probably dont want it and we couldn't risk them throwing her away!
"Could you imagine loosing *insert name here*?"
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
* elizabeth fries said her parents didn't do anything for valentines day and they hadn't for five years. i said...oh that's horrible... i thought they were super in love. She said "well you know, they've been married 20 years. i guess 20 years of marriage...ya know..." i thought, no i dont know. my parents have been married longer and they still love each other...
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*nate noogied me in the arm saying i didnt need to get treatment to make my B12 immunization safe. then he made it all come out like a pimple. and i pointed to it and said, guess i dont have to worry one way or the other now
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*yan koga from grade school or maybe someone else brought mint chocolate chip icecream cone. i couldn't eat it. SHHH i'm in a test! i said. he pretended to lick it
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*i stood in front of a class at a podium. i said i was inspired by package design. that my sister is getting married so i've been looking at it a lot lately
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*there was a crate of everyone's inspiration images. one envelope someone wrote "images everyone already knows look bad" i thought "i hope that's not mine!"
----could you open your eyes wide and look at the mark on the wall-----
*my name is frijola *HAHAHA* and i am a famous columbian artist but i am so young! I'm trying to have a normal lunch with friends and people keep coming up to me. wanting to shake my hand...not wanting to shake the hand of the other accomplished people around me. I am embarassed! then this woman is holding my hand and stroking it...saying what an inspiration i am to her...saying she makes music and my work inspires all her music. i said "i'm glad...i mean i'm flattered...i mean it's good you make music, and honored to i have an impact on you.." then everyone starts trying to hand me checks. one was for 97 dollars "For dinner later! you and me!"
These are only the ones i remember. ..but, as always, there were more.
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