hello grandma, come visit me more often

i dreamt you were at the table, your young self across from your dying-state self, me in between.

Your absence came up in their conversation. To which I said, but can't you see she is right here! You looked at me knowingly. You reminded me that I believe. You reminded me find faith.

What is wrong is they don't already know.

a quality rat

i was lucky enough to obtain a quality rat. we went together like peanut butter and jelly. he was smart and humble; he burrowed in the curve of my shoulder. we read each other's minds.

my grandmothers bought 5 terrible rats. they grabbed my good rat by the back of the neck and dragged him away. i grabbed each of the nasty rats by the jaw like snakes and held them tight in between my fingers so they would not escape.



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i lived in a room. they moved me out without asking. i couldn't find olive.


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Elliott smith was in the courtyard. David was sitting on the stairs. i knew i would meet him there and i knew he didn't know who i was. i jumped down from a high wall. i wore black sneaks. he looked at me concerned and then smiled as i trotted forward after stabilizing myself ahead of my feet with my fingertips. I threw my hair back, smiled at him. walked past him and looked back to see him watching me with some dreamy look on his face. i make eyes at him, but turn back ashamed, because i know what he doesn't know yet and how disappointing i will turn out to be.

later we are walking together. i'm afraid to climb the stairs. they are made of stacked books. it's too high for this, i say as the stacks fall apart.

I won't climb up, but i will jump down.

i made beautiful mono-prints.

i cut off all my hair so i can walk by you again as someone else.